Friendship lost

I had a friend, a very best friend.  We met when we were very young, lost touch and reconnected in high school.  We visited during college, I was her maid of honor at her wedding, visited her house at least once a week, and even took a vacation with her and her husband to see his parents. I even liked him.  We had a lot in common and could have great conversations when we were together.  I was happy, very happy.  I would have done anything for them, and I mean anything.  I watched their house and dogs countless times over the years, and always made certain to completely clean the house while I was there.  I even had a key to the house and would sometimes get there before they got home from work and would do dishes or vacuum, whatever looked like it needed to be done.  I think I even did laundry for them once.  When she got pregnant, I helped her as much as I could.  I helped plan a baby shower and even painted murals on the nursery room walls.  

It was right about this time that everything started to fall apart.  I was painting in the nursery during a break from school.  I had lugged home my overhead to do the tracings on the wall because they wanted something a little untraditional that couldn't be found at the Babies R Us.  I had spent hours finding the drawings they wanted, making overhead copies, tracing them on the wall from the overhead and finally meticulously painting in every drawing.  Then out of the blue one day, my friend asked me to leave when her husband was about to arrive home.  This was the first time such a request had been made.  I had been there many times before when he came home and there was no problem.  LIke I said previously, he and I got along well.  Her excuse was that he didn't like people to be there when he got home.  Fine.  This was new, but whatever.  So much for gratitude.  I packed up and left.  I had to return to finish the painting.  But somehow, something had changed.  If I had done something to upset her or her husband, I was never told so.  I really felt unwelcome there.  She stopped telling me things, stopped inviting me to be a part of her life.  I helped throw her a shower with her mom, but found out later that she had another shower she never told me about.  She was embarrassed when I overheard her talking about it.  I am not saying I should have gone everywhere she did, but why the secrecy?  Was she ashamed to have me around her friends?  I just don't know, and probably never will.

I truly think the biggest part of the whole deal was the fact that I am not married.  This was never a problem before.  I could have understood if her husband was uncomfortable around me, but he really was not.  We were friends, and I am not just saying that, we really were.  I had a good time with them on vacation, both of them.  But something shifted somewhere.  Suddenly she was very concerned with me finding a man.  She had told me that she wanted me to be a part of her and her daughter's life forever, that I should be her godmother, and somewhere that disappeared too, probably because I am single.  The whole situation became very bizarre.  I was doing all the work in the friendship and it finally did not seem to be worth it to me.  I drove to her house (she came to my new house twice in three years) and it wasn't around the corner 30-35 minutes each way.  Not a ton I know, but it is when you are the only one making the trip. Once I drove out there to make candy with her only to find out that she had made lunch plans with someone else.  She didn't invite me along (again, don't have to go everywhere with her, but there is some common courtesy involved here.) and proceeded to leave me ALONE at her house making the candy.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the friendship was really only important enough to me, so I stopped putting in the effort.

This should have been where it ended.  I decide to stop being her friend and move on with my life.  Unfortunately it is not that easy.  She used to live around the block so my mother knew her.  My parents went to her wedding, and not just because I was in it.  My mom loved her.  She was so excited she was pregnant, and I still feel to this day that she has not forgiven me for our friendship falling apart because she didn't get to see the baby.  (My disappointments to my mother could be a whole other blog.)  The whole situation happened 5-6 years ago, and my mother still sends her email and actually had a picture of her up on her fridge.  I was hurt beyond belief.  

My sister actually worked at the same place as her for a while, including the time she was getting married to her current husband.  This was post friendship for us, and my sister was considering inviting her to the wedding.  She had the decency to tell me, and actually listened when I told her how uncomfortable that would make me feel.  At least I feel as if I am more important to my sister if I can't be to my mother.

And finally, this whole facebook/reconnecting with friends from the past thing has really stirred up all the old pain again.  She went to the same HS and was everyone's friend.  Everyone loved her, and no one would now believe that she could have treated me so horribly.  It must have been something I did to her.  (That is what my mother believes anyway.)  I know I should get past this and move on, but every so often, I need to mourn the loss, so to speak.  Perhaps now I can feel a little better that I have gotten it down in print.